“Things You’re Doing to Turn Off Your Guy.”
“53 Ways to Make Him Want You.”
“What You’re Doing Wrong in Bed.”
“All The Reasons You’re Still Single.”
Those are the kinds of headlines that I’m faced with every single time I scroll down my Facebook feed, my Twitter timeline and any blogging site. And it infuriates me. Rarely do I see articles about the ways guys turn off girls or the things a guy should do in bed to please a woman or the reasons why a guy is eternally single.
As women, we are told time and time again that we have to be model fit, able to cook, witty, confident, intelligent, go-getters, sex vixens and a hundred more things. And it’s all coming from the media.
This morning, I read a post about the 10 things women do to turn off men. Their biggest turn offs. It went from us complaining at dinner to us not liking their friends to us trying to change them to us getting jealous. And I got angrier than I’ve ever been before. Because yes, I do these things. I hate on my own body and I complain about friends and I dislike the group of guys he hangs out with and I get jealous when he’s looking at another girl while walking down the street. But guess what? Guys do all these things, too.
Never in my life have I met a man who doesn’t complain, who doesn’t tell me that he hates this one particular person in my life, who doesn’t say he needs to go to the gym more. Never in my life have I met a man who doesn’t do all the same things that we women supposedly do to turn them off. But is anyone on my end writing articles about it? Am I seeing “The Things You Do to Turn Off Your Woman”, “40 Ways to Get Her Off” and “Reason Number One You’re Still a Bachelor”? Maybe here and there. But not not nearly as often as I see the opposite.
Instead, it’s all on the women. We’re the ones who have to sacrifice parts of our personality to make men feel better. We’re the one who don’t get to end a long day with a vent session because it’ll be a “turn off”. We’re the ones who deal with guys constantly asking us if our guy best friend is something more. We’re the ones who have to like all his friends and keep the lights on during sex and keep our jealousy in check.
Well, guess what? Women are not made to please men. If it makes me feel better to complain to someone who should care about me at the end of a long day, I’ll do it. If I’m having a bad body image day and point out my food baby and my lack of boobs, I should be supported. If I say my best guy friend is just a friend, I should be trusted. If I get jealous because my guy is looking at a hot girl down that street, that’s completely natural.
There are thousands of things that are going to turn a guy off. But there are a hundred more things that are going to turn him on. And my personality, my body and my life isn’t part of a machine where a man gets to press the right buttons for me to say the right thing so he can pop a boner. The things I do that “turn him off” are a part of who I am. And I wasn’t made to please a man. I was made to please me.