I’m not generally a happy person, I know that about myself. I am self-critical and angry at the world, jaded and so very sad sometimes. But the past couple weeks, I haven’t been myself. I’ve smiled more, laughed more, had more fun, even on the bad days.
Someone very sad once said to me that the sadness is comforting. That they’d rather not feel good because it felt unnatural, unhinged, unsettling. And I now understand that. Because in these good weeks, it feels oppressive. The happiness overrides the rest and there’s nowhere the hide.
The thing is, happiness shouldn’t be that way. We should welcome the good days and the strangers who smile at us and the idiots who make is laugh. We should be thrilled by happiness, not fearful of it. So today I will try to sit in my happiness. I will tell it to swallow me whole and I will smile. Because the happiness should be just that: happy.