Madness.

It’s finally hitting me. I’ve embarked on an absolutely insane adventure. By adventure I’m not talking about running across the country or backpacking throughout South Asia for months or moving to Australia. I’m talking about learning and research and skills training and epic stories. And when I say insane, I mean it is truly mad.

Every single day is exhausting. The kind of exhausting where you go to college at 9.30 in the morning and come home at 5 just to fall into your bed. The kind of exhausting where you start your week with two days on placement (actually counselling people – what!??!?!) and then have another three days of college. The kind of exhausting where you talk about personal issues and practice skills with peers and test all your limits. The kind of exhausting where you think you have no work to do but, you really do – as exemplified by the one class where nobody in my class knew any of the answers our course director was asking us.

ButΒ it’s the kind of exhausted that fulfills you. It is learning and opening yourself up and trying new things. It is hope and excitement and being scared out of your wits all at the same time, all the time. It is the kind of exhausted that makes you smile when you wake up, knowing you’re doing exactly what is right for you.

The level of work we do in class and on placement is the real madness here. Can you imagine being thrown into therapy mode every single day for two months straight? That’s what has happened to me in the last 8 weeks and I’m faltering but, I’m also succeeding. The small things make me realise how much I’ve learned in such a short span of time. Like doing telephone assessments and automatically empathising with the clients I’m speaking with. Or recognising the underlying issues that may be associated with the presenting issues they’re exploring.

In a way, I didn’t understand the doctoral level of my training. I figured it would be just like any other PhD program where I would be perpetually tired, researching extensively and basically lost at all points. But I’m recognising now that it’s so much more than that. It’s a crazy learning process that is making me more me. Does that even make sense? Β I hope so. Or maybe I’m simply going mad. But then again we’re all mad here, aren’t we, Alice?

Disclaimer: I’m tired. Let me ramble even if it makes zero sense.

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