Drown me in mud.

Life gets muddled sometimes. Your mind runs around in circles. About school. About boys (or girls). About work. About keeping up. About slowing down. There can be so much coursing through your head that you forget about the things that matter. The things that you value. That have importance. That make you smile.

But we are resilient creatures. So despite the mess, we get up in the morning, we do our duties and we carry on. Leave the priorities at the top and check things off one by one. That means that we don’t always get to the things at the bottom of the checklist. Things we deem less important. So again, we carry on.

Then one day you wake up and it all crashes around you. The assignments you need to do. The friends you need to see that you promised you would hang out with weeks ago. The shows you want to catch up on. The volunteer applications you meant to fill out. The resumes you said you would print. It all crashes.

So what do you do? You cover it up. You try to forget and move forward. Sloshing through all the mud covering the stuff. You wade through it all. Until one day, maybe weeks from now or years from now, when the mud gets too thick. It’s everywhere. It reaches up to your neck. You lift your arms and try to wipe the sweat off your brow and it covers your face.

We have those days. The breaking points. Where it becomes impossible to get through. Where all you want to do is lay down in bed. Cry. But you can’t. Because you’re covered in mud and you need to shower or your sheets will get filthy. So you try again.

Then you realise that life doesn’t have to be like this. That’s what we call an epiphany. You come to this understanding that if you keep trudging through the mud, you’re not enjoying it. Yes, enjoying it.

See, the funny thing about mud is that despite the fact that it is ugly and smells and doesn’t come out of your best white shirt, it has nutrients and it helps things flourish.

Today felt like a day where I was dragging myself through the goop. Today felt like a day where I noticed the mud up to my neck. Today felt like the day where I almost let it suffocate me. So instead of lifting my arms, I sank. I held my breath and I sank. Straight in to the mud.

It permeated by hair. It sat in the crevices of my ears. It hid in my wrinkles. It glued my eyes shut. And then I breathed. I breathed deep. And I didn’t die. Instead, I rose.

Through all the gunk, I saw things more clearly. I felt the list and everything on it slip under the surface, away from me. I opened my eyes and I breathed the fresh air and I knew. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow I won’t let the mud entrench me. I’ll wade through it slow and steady until I’m all the way out. Until I let the things course through my veins and out the soles of my feet. I’ll leave it all behind.

And tomorrow, I’ll begin anew.

I know this one is a bit all over the place but it makes sense in my head. So we’ll just go with it, okay?


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