Last night I had the overwhelming urge to talk to many people. To tell them all the things they shouldn’t hear. All the reasons we stopped talking or how I feel about them or the things about them that make me cringe. In one moment, it hit me that I just wanted to be honest and truthful and have candid conversations with them all. Life doesn’t work like that, though. If you suddenly decide to be frank with someone, it leads to long, hurtful, emotional conversations. The kinds of conversation that everybody seeks to avoid.
As humans we conceal our feelings. When we are annoyed, we ignore a person for a day or two and then get over it. When we are upset, we wallow in our own self-pity and power through the feelings. When we are angry, we yell and then seek solace in our stuffed animals and bed sheets. It is hard to be powerfully honest in a world like ours where perfection is everything.
I envy those that are candid. Although they might be called bitchy or rude, I envy them. I’ve spent a lot of time concealing my feelings and sometimes I feel the need to let go. I feel the need to spew out all the words that haven’t been said. I know that won’t happen though. It’s just not in my nature to be so frank.