I can’t say that I have felt genuinely gutted very often. To be honest, the only times I remember this feeling is when my parents first told me we were moving from Edmonton to Burlington when I was about 7 and when I didn’t get in to my top choice university. I got over those things pretty quickly. Good things came out of those experiences.
Ned Vizzini committed suicide a few days ago. Now I won’t lie and say that I read It’s Kind of a Funny Story or Be More Chill or any of his other novels. I always picked up his novels in the book store but, never ended up purchasing them. I have however, spent a great deal of my time watching the film adaption of It’s Kind of a Funny Story. In fact, there’s a good chance I have watched it over 40 times in the last year. It is powerful and heartbreaking and inspiring and honest. It makes me believe that you can get through the bad days.
I do not suffer from depression. I do not have suicidal thoughts. Not like Ned or his autobiographical counterpart in the film, Craig. I do however, have bad days. Days where I feel like the world is against me. Days when I feel like I am worthless. Days when I don’t like anything I see in the mirror. Days where I reflect on my life and hate myself for the decisions I have made. Everybody has those days.
Today, I am gutted about Ned taking his own life. Tomorrow, I will feel the same. The day after that, I will still harbour this feeling in my body. I can’t say that it will go away anytime soon. Every time I watch It’s Kind of a Funny Story, I will remember Ned Vizzini. I will remember how he made me realize that tomorrow is a new day. I will remember that he taught me that feeling bad isn’t something to hide. I will certainly remember how depression took him from us too soon. Finally, I will hope for a better tomorrow. One where mental health can be a regular topic of discussion. One where the Ned Vizzinis of the world will be saved.